You’ve probably heard many times that if you’re on a date and the other person treats waiters badly, it’s a red flag. How someone behaves towards someone they believe to be beneath them or providing them with a service says a lot about them. If they treat them badly, it means they are self-centered or classist, but what does it mean if you help waiters while you’re in a restaurant?
Imagine you’ve gone to a restaurant, you’ve finished eating, and everyone is relaxed. Now your table is a mess of plates, crumbs, and crumpled napkins. Many people ask themselves the following: should I stack the plates to make the waiter’s job easier? Or should I leave everything as it is and wait for them to come? Some people do it without thinking twice.
Others prefer not to get in the waiter’s way. And a large number prefer to let them do their job (that’s what they’re paid for). It seems to be something inherent in good manners or politeness, but according to psychology, this simple everyday act goes further than that. Apparently, it reflects deeper and unknown personality traits.
Empathy, validation, and waiters
Believe it or not, science has a term for this phenomenon: prosocial behavior.
It refers to voluntary actions we take to benefit others, without expecting a direct reward in return. Helping to clear the table is a clear example of altruism in action. The driving force behind this behavior is genuine empathy; people who stack their plates without thinking twice are able to put themselves in the waiter’s shoes.
They know that they are making the waiter’s job easier if they don’t have to reach out to collect everything while there are many people sitting at the table. They perceive and recognize the effort involved in working in the hospitality industry. It is not just about tidying the table, but about feeling a sense of togetherness and not just lightening someone else’s workload. This gesture demonstrates a strong sense of social awareness and humility.
Altruism, or search for validation?
However, psychology teaches us that motivations are never simple. Not everyone who clears the table is an altruistic saint. Although some people do it out of empathy for the waiter, others do it in search of recognition or control. Yes, we are referring to people who have social anxiety. Clearing the table can be an unconscious strategy to avoid being evaluated negatively. If you project an image of being polite and considerate, you will be well regarded and not labeled as uncivil.
It can also be related to impatience or the need for control. If there is a person with a tendency toward order who has eaten with someone who is usually messy or does not know how to eat without making a mess, they will unconsciously tend to clean up today to maintain order at the table.
The Fine Line Between Helping and Hindering
We should also ask waiters, are we really helping them when we clear the table? The answer from hospitality professionals is a resounding yes, but only if done correctly. If we have good intentions but don’t know how to do it, we will double the work or create a hazard with an unstable tower of plates. If you want to know how to clear a table to lighten the load for your favorite waiter, here are some tips:
- Group all the cutlery, plates, and glassware in the center of the table.
- Stack flat: that is, place large plates of food on top of each other in a stable manner. Do not intersperse small plates between large ones like an unstable lasagna.
- Place all cutlery on a single plate; this prevents it from falling on the floor or getting scattered.
- Place all used napkins, sugar wrappers, or bread crumbs in a small pile so that the waiter can pick everything up in one go.
On the other hand, never mix glasses with plates or create wobbly towers. Although it may seem strange, putting napkins in glasses or cups gets in the way, makes the napkin wet, and gives the poor dishwasher extra work. Finally, remember that you should not clap your fingers or call the waiter loudly as if he were a cat. These tricks will ensure that the waiter holds you in high esteem.