They say first impressions are superficial, but the truth is that I personally have never met anyone in the first five minutes who gave me a bad impression and turned out to be a wonderful person. Unconsciously, human beings know how to see who is genuine and who is not. And if for whatever reason you don’t have these social skills to discern this, here are some tips. You only need a five- or ten-minute conversation to get a rough idea of what a person is like.
Below are four nonverbal and verbal communication traits that act as red flags. If the person you’re talking to exhibits one or more of these, remember that you’re dealing with a potentially toxic person… So be careful.
Talking only about themselves
You have probably had the pleasure or misfortune of talking to this type of person. Well, it may be that they are using you as an audience member in which their words echo back to them. There is a type of person who only wants to talk about their experiences, their achievements, their problems. The fact that you speak or interject is completely irrelevant to this type of person.
The reality is that no one wants to be stuck in a half-hour conversation where the other person doesn’t let you contribute anything. A conversation is like a game of tennis; although ego serves a purpose, it is foolish to never return the ball to your opponent’s side of the court. Whether you have been the captive audience or the toxic egomaniac, we recommend that you make an effort to let other people contribute to the conversation. Otherwise, once it is over, they will do their utmost to never engage in conversation with that person again.
The Party Pooper
Although Eeyore from Winnie-the-Pooh is really cute, real people do not want to interact with depressed, pessimistic individuals. Unfiltered criticism and constant emphasis on everything bad about people and the world becomes exhausting. These types of people can find something negative even in, for example, giving someone a bouquet of flowers. This constant negativity is a drag that drains the mental energy of everyone around them.
This type of person is not only bitter, but also harms the people around them. It is a very powerful weapon with which to manipulate people, and the fact is that many do not want others to be happy when they themselves are unable to be. Instead of improving their lives, they prefer to wallow in complaint and avoid introspection. And if you have to deal with this type of person, don’t put too much effort into trying to cheer them up: they don’t want to improve their character or their mood. Save your energy for something more productive… And stay away from them.
The Need to Win
Some people always want to argue. You’ve probably met more than one person who, no matter what the topic of conversation, starts a debate, takes a position, and begins to fight even if it makes no sense. For them, a conversation is not an exchange, but a battlefield. These people don’t like to debate, but rather to maintain control of the conversation; they are advocates for everything, even ideas that they don’t care about in the slightest. However, controlling the topic of conversation and monopolizing it gives them a dopamine rush.
This subtle confrontation tactic is nothing more than an effort to establish dominance and force the other person to defend themselves. You’ve probably met people with whom you have to walk on eggshells, because any comment you make can be attacked and misinterpreted to make them look like victims. The only thing we recommend if you have to deal with these people on a daily basis is to use the “grey rocking” technique.
“It was just a joke!”
Hurtful comments laced with sarcasm have always been an effective tool for verbally attacking others. If someone called them out on it, they could always claim it was just their sense of humor. This passive-aggressive aggression without responsibility is perfect for emotional gaslighting. The victim suffers, the aggressor gets away scot-free, and nothing happened. This is a plea for trust, because making malicious comments usually comes at a high price.